I don't have an answer to this question.
Genealogists have always wanted to know where various relatives were buried. Some wanted this information so they could visit the final resting place of their relative or forebear and feel some sense of connection with them and visit the grave.
I understand that. I've visited many ancestral resting places myself.
But it seems that the real reason we want to know the final resting place of most of our relatives is to obtain the information on the tombstone. How many of us have visited the graves of all the thousands of relatives we have in our genealogical database? The answer is probably that very few have.
It is always frustrating to know where a relative is buried and learn that there is no stone. Even if a person has a general idea of where the ancestor is buried, it often is the information on the stone that we are after. The frustration is even greater if an ancestor died before death records were kept and the stone is the one place we hope to obtain a date of death or other information for ancestor.
So do we need to know where a cremated relative had their ashes scattered or interred? I'm asking because I don't really have an answer to this question.
This "need" to know and the importance of knowing where the "remains" were came up in a conversation I had with another genealogist recently. After our conversation ended, I remembered that I have an ancestor who died in 1916, was cremated and had his remains scattered in what now is an unknown location. I realized that it would have been nice to have known where they were, but there would have been no information on his stone that I already did not have from records that are probably more reliable.
Knowing the place would have given me a sense of connection. Is it necessary to have that?
Or is it really the information that we are after?
12 comments:
I definitely think a lot of it is the connection, at least with me...so often there is so little information, that every little bit makes me feel closer, especially when I'm driving through towns and such that I know ancestors lived.
Knowing if there may be other paperwork involved in the last resting place is what is important to me (most of mine don't have headstones) but there would usually be some paperwork as to who paid for the plot, if anyone else is in there etc
I know that seeing the stone and knowing that traditions were followed is a comfort to me. It dismays me that my GG-grandparents from Denmark came over as elderly people, then were buried with no stone. I felt bad to think that their children were unable to provide this. The little inferences you can make from the gravesite might be all you have on the lives of the people. I would love to have had diaries and scrapbooks to peruse, but that didn't happen.
It feels a little like you can "touch" your ancestor. It's similar, but not as exciting, to walking on the land or in the house they lived. I have an ancestor whose ashes were scattered, and a connection is missing. Perhaps it is an "imaginary" connection, but a burial place and grave stone would be nice. I have ancestors on my mother's side whose graves I suspect are in the same cemetery as their son's, and possibly marked by illegible stones. What if the opposite were true - that a gravestone was in place for an ancestor, but it did not mark that ancestor's grave? That would be something I would want to correct.
Yes I think its important. Where they are buried also might tell family that the area they are buried in is important especially if you did not know where a certain ancestor was from.
The information is important but it is the story behind the information. A headstone tells more than dates or relationships, it says someone cared about that person, perhaps that they were a part of the community, that they felt 'at home' there. Or perhaps it says - this is where the family lived then, and then moved on. Where someone wants their ashes scattered says something about what was important to them. Knowing where they ended up can tell a lot about their lives. Of course I also liked being able to sit with my great great grandmother and ponder life a while, thinking of her life, struggles and achievements, and take courage from them in my life.
My remains will not be buried under my stone. However, the stone has my relevant information on the back side. "Mother of", "Daughter of", "Sister of", etc. Someone will be very happy to find this. My Significant Other's stone also includes "Born in" (Colorado, although he spent most of his life in Michigan) and "Died in" (Yorkshire, England). Information significant to any family genealogist.
I think it's important, because as in life it gives us "closure". It's kind of one of the last things I do for that person. Visit the grave, if I can, or a photo at least through the internet. Then I usually move on to the next person. Gathering all the "vital" info. The rest is "gravy". I feel a sense of connection with them. I would love to visit as many graves in other states as I can. I also have several members without stones, sadly I don't have the extra cash to now purchase one as I would like to do. Sort of to make the world aware that there is a someone below that is a "loved one"
I definitely think a grave with a headstone provides a greater connection with an ancestor than you would have otherwise and I have always had a desire to visit ancestors gravesites to pay my heartfelt respects. The added feeling of connection comes in many ways, there is a realness that a headstone and grave brings to a person and their life, which is further magnified if you have never had personal contact or have substantial information such as photographs etc. Again a headstone and gravesite brings many additional things, such as biographical information, dates, a proximity to other family members gravesites (especially younger or unmarried children), the feelings of family toward their loved ones captured and written on the headstone, and knowing physically that this is their final resting place, and where their closest family gathered to pay their respects and would have normally visited over the years. I literally could go on and on. On the other hand I feel no connection with the general location of where ashes were spread or even a urn. This is a very interesting topic. Regards,
Several years ago I went to the Lutheran graveyard after a funeral. The step granddaughter of the deceased took a rose from her grandfather's casket and put it on another grave. I was curious because the deceased at been married before and wondered if the flower was placed on his first wife's grave. It was not the case, the grave was of his mother who had been visiting from Poland when she died and she was buried in this cemetery. They showed me another grave where another visitor was buried after he died while visiting. Grave location is important because it gives clues to the story!
I think it is very important. We knew that my grandmother had a child that died. We believed it to be buried in the same cemetery as the rest of the family. We got a copy of the death certificate and low and behold that child is buried in a different cemetery. After more research was done we find out a second baby died and is buried in family cemetery. So we had one grave unmarked at one cemetery and one marked baby at another and they are within a few miles. Now we have more questions.
As others have said it can help find more relatives. We are taught to start with the last information about a person and work back in time. Doing that means that we should be looking at records relating to the person's death: probate records, wills if any, obituary, burial records, newspaper accounts of funeral including the "society" part about friends and relatives who came to town near the time of the final illness or funeral. Everything has the possibility of providing clues or confirming stories. Even those people who are cremated can have a marker somewhere. Our church has a plaque for members whose ashes are in its memorial garden. Some families place markers in cemeteries in family plots. The info on the location where the ashes were spread could be included.
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